Gay cheat

Within gay relationships, consider these staggering facts: % report engaging in cheating behavior. 45% reveal that their partner found out they cheated, while another 45% say their partner remained in the dark. The remaining 10% are unsure. 34% view sharing private messages as a form of cheating. After consulting with a number of gay men who are actively cheating on their partners, plus the former boyfriends of cheaters and therapists who understand the psychology of infidelity, I'll share ten tell-tale warning signs that your boyfriend may be doing things behind your back.

Alright, hunnies, let's dish on one of the juiciest topics in the world of gay relationships: cheating. Yes, that's right, we're diving headfirst into the drama, the tea, and, of course, the shade that comes with infidelity. Besides the self-righteous rage (which has uncomfortable associations with historical moralism and sexism), understanding what lead to the cheating can help a couple get through it without.

What is Cheating in a Gay Relationship? Many people would say that any sexual contact with others outside of monogamous relationships is cheating. This is true for gay couples and all hetero couples unless those relationships are what we call “open” by mutual consent. March 3, I was too wide-eyed and curious.

I wanted to know what it would feel like to sleep with other people and date other personality types. I was desperately searching for the dream man I had made up in my head. Without being fully conscious of it, I lived under the assumption that the perfect man was out there waiting for me. Even though my boyfriend of the time was enamored with me and my personality, his love was no match for my wild and unrestrained curiosity.

I was ready to set down roots but leary that I might regret a permanent decision. The poor chap. He made every attempt to convince me of his love, and yet, he could feel the energy of my rowdy desires and unsettled determination. It was in this emotionally chaotic and uncertain spell that he was deployed for 18 months as an Army reservist. He left feeling lonely, unimportant, valueless, and invisible.

One and one-half years later, he walked in our apartment, returned from Iraq. I knew we had hit an all-time low. He was cold, seemingly irritated by my presence. Within 24 hours, he asked me to move out. He needed the room so that his new boyfriend could move in. Needless to say, I spent months reeling with the facts. He had cheated on me. I spent several months walking in a haze of confusion, pangs of floor-dropping anxiety and gut wrenching grief.

In the aftermath, I felt as though I was sitting in a crater where our home once stood. It was one of the darkest seasons of my life. The debilitating sorrow, however, forced me to reckon with the truth.

My boyfriend cheated on

I realized that we had lived in a relationally dry climate for too long, and we alone were responsible for letting it get there. Our vulnerability was too low, our passion had diminished, and we had begun living separate lives. His healthy emotional desires had gone unseen, unacknowledged and unmet for too long. He had been emotionally starving with no sustenance in sight.

I was a major contributor to our relational dynamic, often neglecting it, but he chose to respond to our bad situation in a very bad way. Sadly, this type of emotional hunger is all-too common for and often catalyzes those who cheat. The alarms of emotional hunger may not come all at once. But when important desires—belonging, love, thrill, satisfaction, joy, and romance—go unmet for long, partners find emotional resources elsewhere.

Some reach for healthy options like close relatives, best friends or co-workers. Feeling silenced by the repeated rejection that leads to shame of their emotional or sexual yearnings, partners like my ex may be afraid to voice their true desires and needs. As a result of this lacking safety, they often meet their needs in secret—thus, cheating.